I say I pride myself on having close to no regrets
But there are some memories that I wish I could forget
What I learn from my experience has shaped the man I am
But I cannot help but wonder who I'd be if I had ran
Towards every opportunity and ever chance in life
Will I still grow up accomplished with a job and house and wife?
Will my kids grow up to hate me if I try to raise them well
With discipline and rules instead of being there to help?
See, I'm the kind of person who sits by an empty seat
Because I know I'll hate almost everyone I meet
Apathy will lead me to a wife without true love
But I can only blame myself for how bitter I've become
I have wasted my youth, let all my chances slip by
Though I am only 21, I feel more like 85
"What if" cuts even deeper in the life that I'm stuck in
When I'm haunted every day by thoughts of how it could have been
I've had enough but all that I can do is grit my teeth
And take all that is thrown at me, persist week after week
I'm tired of waking up and going to bed every night
But I don't have the fearlessness to leave it all behind
I have seen first hand what death can do to friends and family
And I don't have it in me to become what I have seen
I'm the lowest of the low, but take note of what I tell:
Purgatory can be Hell when there's no chance to save yourself.
So when I'm on my deathbed with my family by my side
The truth is what I'll give them if they ask me to confide
It's too late for me but listen closely and take heed:
Mediocrity is life, "the good life" is just a dream.
And if there is a Heaven and St. Peter lets me in
I'll sit by the River Jordan with the fresh air on my skin
And realize to get to Heaven you must go through Hell first
But is this a just reward after living Hell on Earth?
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